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781 before then. Wtf. [Apr. 6th, 2013|12:13 am]
[Current Mood |crazycrazy]

September 11, 2003
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FUCK [Nov. 19th, 2011|02:24 am]
[Current Location |Back @ mom & dads... Plus a kid. Wtf?! Right?!!]
[Current Mood |crushedcrushed]
[Current Music |none, movie- GOING THE DISTANCE (& drinking modelo, ished out 4 days)]

I really just want to die.
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180 [Jul. 13th, 2008|09:52 pm]
[Current Location |my apartment]
[Current Mood |amusedamused]
[Current Music |lovers & friends]

Totally got a huge smile on my face from reading about all of this.
Downloaded Lovers & friends finally.... and its playing haha.
I started school, halfway done.. in Baking 2. Kim is living with me, we're going to get an apartment together. I'm happy, we fight enough, but he really loves me, and I adore him.
I was out with Eileen tonight, she took me to dinner (sams mother).. Sam is in rehab right now, actually about 2 miles from me....
Actually sober now, life is better...

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falala [Feb. 3rd, 2008|05:52 pm]
Well I'm ill.

Sam and I havent talked in a while, apparently he has a 'life' and is too busy for me.

I bailed out on Kim today cause I was sick, but whatever, I'll see him tomorrow.. hopefully.

This time last year, Kim and I had David and Liz over for superbowl and we were smoking pot and eating snacks having fun...

I'd do anything to have my boyfriend back.
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ugh [Jan. 30th, 2008|02:22 am]
[Current Mood |determined]

He's acting so different I want to break him out of it
I think he's scared of how attractive and perfect I am to him

Stop pushing me away bitchhhh
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damn [Jan. 30th, 2008|02:07 am]
[Current Location |juniors]
[Current Mood |flirtyflirty]

Sam fucked another girl and likes her...

K its mad weird chillin with him
I want him
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falala [Jan. 26th, 2008|01:46 pm]
I saw Kim last night, god I miss him.
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fuck. [Jan. 24th, 2008|08:34 pm]
[Current Music |the rain]

Got a tax return statement for Kim in the mail today, so I induldged myself in the reason to phone him..

He immediately went into a story about his day, and I acted so uninterested and cut him off and said 'do you need this or should I keep it' and he told me he needed it and he'd call me later, he has some things to take care of...

Who cares, he is so easily over it that the thought of enduring his bullshit one more time makes me sick to my stomach. He never really loved me, or at least he doesn't anymore... It hurts, fuck him.
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new plan [Jan. 24th, 2008|03:46 pm]
[Current Location |my room]
[Current Mood |coldcold]
[Current Music |When You Really Love Someone- Alicia Keys]

Charging my ipod so I can go to the gym and listen to music.
Hopefully I'll get some of this nonsense off my mind...

I miss kim, but this will get easier and I feel it happening

Doubt I'll go out tonight, Don't really feel like it.

I got my new glasses today, they're really cute...

1. Gym
2. Shower
3. Start a fire and some foodnetwork...
4. Dinner
5. Reading
6. Sleep

k bye
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reminder [Jan. 23rd, 2008|05:24 am]
[Current Location |across street from sammys house]
[Current Mood |flirtyflirty]

Download lovers & friends

Came on the radio with sam right now
I feel good
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outtie [Jan. 22nd, 2008|08:34 pm]
[Current Location |jesus's house]
[Current Mood |gratefulgrateful]
[Current Music |none]

Out with sammy misha and jesus
I feel better when I'm with my friends, I just have to work on being alone obviously

K onne love

Sam is beautiful
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skdljf [Jan. 22nd, 2008|03:58 am]
[Current Location |my room]
[Current Mood |depresseddepressed]
[Current Music |none]

I'm such a wreck right now I want my baby back.
I really didnt want it ever to end and iw anted to share my whole life iwth him..

It really hurts cause its over and theres no bringing it back..

Anyways tonight Sam and I were really affectionate etc then all of a sudden after my other friend came in the car he wanted to go home right after...

I'm really lonely
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long morning [Jan. 20th, 2008|02:23 pm]
[Current Mood |disappointeddisappointed]

So uhm..
No more purple house keys on my keychain, nor do I have two gate clikers anymore.
My clothes are at my house, and my blowdryer hehe.
I'm really sad that its over, I really loved him.
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time to grow the fk up [Jan. 19th, 2008|07:07 pm]
[Current Location |acari]
[Current Mood |disappointeddisappointed]
[Current Music |neyo - alll because of u]

So kim wants it over, again. I think this time I want to really try to go through with it.
I don't love him, and I don't fken need him. Man I hate realizing how I truly did love him
I don't need a man for ANYTHING especially security.
I need help through this
No more love til I'm older
Sam is officially ONLY my best friend
I can't handle more, sorry
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the start of the end [Jan. 19th, 2008|05:53 am]
[Current Location |droopys]
[Current Mood |contemplativecontemplative]
[Current Music |everyone talking about the same shit as last time, totally unaware its BEEN said]

Honestly this whole thing with sam has to end.
Ew this guy is peeing and being able to hear it makes me gag. And he didn't wash his hands, greaaaat.
I am sick of giving a fuck, can't wait until feb 19. School starts, far away, no time, and the best NEW PEOPLE that have ambitions and aren't just getting high and/or literally just existing without desire for anything more.
Talk is fucking cheap.
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waiting in drive thru at jack n the crack [Jan. 19th, 2008|12:51 am]
[Current Location |jack n the crack in the ghetto]
[Current Mood |crushedcrushed]
[Current Music |tupac]

HELLAH? aka hello?
Apparently I pick up the phone funny.
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hidden desire [Jan. 18th, 2008|10:51 pm]
[Current Location |cyber]
[Current Mood |contemplativecontemplative]
[Current Music |radio]

And her heart is beating all over the world tonight.

I am addicted to this dream love inside my head. I need to stop creating such beautiful love inside my head. I've started beieving that its really there, or maybe it is.... Everyone sees it there, but he won't speak it into reality. Maybe I'm not dreaming, maybe I'm just making excuses to deny its reality. Why can't it be ok, I know I'm everything he ever wanted, and needed.
I fell out of love for this, and I really mean LOVE. The kind where your eyes only see one, and deny anything, even if you've dreamed for it to come forever. I lost that feeling for him, and I think I love it.
Beauty comes in its rawest form, it controls and owns my spiritual being. I feel like a kid again, and genuinely experience unreal passion.
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nothing new. [Jan. 18th, 2008|11:12 am]
[Current Location |the bedroom]
[Current Mood |lonelylonely]
[Current Music |You're the Only One- Maria Mena]

So Sam calls last night saying he needs me to go pick him up in Watts, because there was a shooting right outside of the house last night. Yeah, quite wonderful having his mother so available by simply switching back to the other line, I must have gotten screamed at by her for over a half hour forbidding me to go pick him up. I am quite worried about his whereabouts considering he hasn't called me to let me know he's ok.
Anyways on a different note, Kim is having a wonderful time speaking to other girls, but if you have any common sense its obvious I have no right whatsoever to complain.

Anyways, mildly bored, and trying to find something worth my time to do.

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complete disgust [Jan. 16th, 2008|12:55 pm]
[Current Location |The bedroom]
[Current Mood |boredbored]
[Current Music |The Call -Backstreet Boys]


Love is always misleading, be careful.
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wow [Jan. 12th, 2008|12:57 am]
[Current Location |my lovers]
[Current Mood |flirtyflirty]
[Current Music |nonee we're not tryin to wake his mommy! hehe silly]

I must say that its quite humorous and overwhelmingly entertaining to sign back into this and read about how and what I was doing. Its insaine how different my day to day routine has changed, and as a result how altered my personality is.
Well incase anybody still reads, but mostly for my own documentation I guess a brief summary is in order....

I basically turned into a total girl, got a boyfriend ended up getting kicked out of the house, played wifey/house with my man and recently got back to my parents house, back on my feet. Meanwhile I have to admit I was pretty hyped up on meth, addicted, smoking it everyday to escape from the shit I got myself into. I ended up breaking up with the boy, but about a month before I had started getting high with this guy my best friend/gay guy I was smoking with daily had started to bring around. Anyways inevitably I ended up falling for him and we hooked up and that helped me get over my ex. This new boy somehow affected me so much, I still truly believe he is a angel sent to me from my mother[she died when I was ten, but I was adopted at birth]. Anyways I got sober, he somehow inspired me, god he's a truly gorgeous boy inside and damn he's fine haha. So basically he is my best friend now, I'm technically back together with my ex...but no title heh. I ado admit I'd drop it all with my ex if I could have the new boy so I'm still kinda stuck in the sense that I don't want to be alone, even though I know where my heart lays now lol. Anyways, on a more stable note, I got my diploma in the beginning of november, and turned 18 at the end lol. I'm starting culinary school 'Le Cordon Bleu' on feb 19 and I'm stoked, dads a bit bummed only cause I won't be receiving more than a associates degree and he's oldschool to the point where he believes nobody is anybody without a degree.
Anyways I actually happen to be with the new boy at his house on his bed and I just realized I'd rather be talking to him or well minus the talking hehe
Maybe ill keep on this, kinda relaxing, outlet status haha

Liss <3
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